A system to reshape your identity
A system to reshape your identity
It may sometimes feel like we are at the mercy of our habits but, in reality, we have been subconsciously and continuously reinforcing our habits with our daily actions. Our identities are shaped by the way we think, feel, and behave in any situation and since we have the power to decide how we want to think, feel, and behave, we can shift over time into the people we want to be.
Reshaping your identity is a profound process, requiring self-reflection, exploration, discovery, and a desire to grow toward your potential. Below is a step-by-step system that will help you reshape your identity.
Preparation
Grab your favorite notebook, piece of paper, or digital document. I personally use a tool called Obsidian to manage much of my life, including my identity design document.
System Steps
1. Self-assessment
For fifteen minutes, think about the values that are genuinely important to you in life, such as kindness, integrity, growth, etc. List them all out in your document as you think of them. Take a second pass through the list and rearrange the values in priority order. Try to pare the list down to 4-7 values by cutting the least important or combining them into an overarching value. This document you are creating will be a living document that you reference and refine every day so don’t worry about making it perfect right now. For example:
Values
Kindness
Integrity
Discipline
Now that you have your list of personal values, spend another fifteen minutes writing down 10-15 desired identity traits in a series of “I am X” statements, in a “My Desired Identity” list. For example:
My Desired Identity
I am kind
I am honest
I am disciplined
Great! Now spend a few more minutes writing down 10-15 of your current identity traits, good and bad, in a series of “I am X” and “I can be X” statements, in a “My Current Identity” list. For example:
My Current Identity
Doing well
I am kind
I am honest
Working on
I can be messy
I can be lazy
2. Goal Setting
Create a goal or two for each of the traits listed under the working on section.
When writing down your goals, use the SMART goal framework — Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. This will help create goals that are both realistic and aligned with your desired identity.
Example:
“I can be messy” becomes:
Make my bed for the next 6 months.
Keep my kitchen clean for the next 6 months.
After you have finished creating your SMART goals, rewrite them in priority order so that your most important goals come first.
Finally, break each goal down into daily actionable tasks.
Example:
Every morning, after I shower, I will make my bed.
After every meal, I will clean my dishes and put them in the dishwasher.
If you currently have a set of daily routines, integrate these actions into one of your routines. If you don’t currently have one, it’s most effective to start with your morning. You can read about how to create an incredible morning routine here.
3. Refine
Humans are complex. As we grow in life, knowledge, and experience our current and desired identities will naturally shift. It’s important to revisit this exercise regularly in order to continuously refine your values, desired identity, and current identity in order to guide them in a desirable direction. It’s important to read the document that you have created every day in order to keep it in the front of your mind. You should memorize your core values and make sure that all of your decisions are aligned with them. Additionally, each week, take some time to reflect on how things are going and adjust as necessary.
Case Study
I personally went through a similar exercise in 2018 and have found the clarity that this provides to my life to be tremendously valuable. Not only will this help you adjust your thinking and behavior toward your desired identity, but it will also guide you when making big life decisions.
You can view the identity document I have created, and read daily, here.
Final Thoughts
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose." - Dr. Seuss
We have the power to choose to be the person that we want to be. We won’t change overnight. In fact, it will likely take several months if not years, but every action we take in alignment with our desired identities is a vote to embody that identity. If we keep casting our votes then, eventually, that identity becomes reality.